My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
