After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
