If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
