I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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