He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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