he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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