you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
