We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
