You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
