Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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