dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
