I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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