Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
