Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize