the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
