What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
