I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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