I am spending my child support on dildos
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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