did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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