I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
