You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
