hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm passing your future prison.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
