This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
