I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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