i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
