I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
