Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
