Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
