Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize