I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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