I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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