4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
