Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
