Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
