so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
