its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
