garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
