I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
