I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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