Do you still have your period?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize