dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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