So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
