Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
