My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
