My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
