So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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