if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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