I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
