May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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