Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
