Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
