I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
