Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
