I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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