If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
