My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Still dying that you shit outside
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
