I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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