I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
