I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
