haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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