trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
