so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
