i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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