she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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