just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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